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The Dangers of Spongebobbing: A What-Not-To-Do Guide To Panama City

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February 15, 2013

by Cory Siedler
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Foreword:

I am writing this as a general guide of how to protect your personal health and well-being while staying in Panama City. As a note to anyone reading this blog who may know me personally (probably all of you), this is by NO MEANS an indication of events that have befallen me personally. This is simply a short index of noticeable dangers I have perceived while living in the city, and I hope it will help those injury prone few as they traverse this treacherous and ever-changing environment.

Chapter 1: The Spongebob

Definition 1: An awkward cartoon character we all have learned to love. His reckless enthusiasm for life is both his single greatest blessing and bane.

Not this

Definition 2: a dance move harnessing that same reckless enthusiasm and releasing it through one’s legs and feet.

Correct

Public disclaimer: the spongebob is a great dance approved by experts worldwide. However, Panama City and its designers have not taken into account the changing times, and obviously did not foresee the spongebob being this generation’s next great dance craze. The spongebob does not translate well to the city streets, where potholes abound and unseen curbs lie in wait for their next victim. When you go out on the town after a long day’s work, stay vigilant and, whatever you do, do not spongebob within the city limits.

Chapter 2: Things Duran Hates

Beware: Duran

If you are a dog, a cat, a skateboard, an enthusiastic rollerblader, or an uninvited guest, CUT THAT OUT! Not in Panama City mister, because Duran will try to eat you. And if you are near Duran when he encounters these things, make sure none of your body parts come in between his face and what angers him. Good aim is not one of his strong points.

Chapter 3: Deadball (aka Crud)

Some people in Panama City might approach you with a brand new game. “Fun” and “exciting” are key word to look for in their description, and to their credit, those descriptions are true. However, do not be fooled; getting sucked into playing a game of deadball is a gamble, a gamble with your face. Did you know, scientist have proven that the average billiard ball can fall from a five story building without even making a scratch? Now, think who would win in a fight between a pool ball and your face (hint: not your face). So next time someone has “something really cool to show you” in Panama City, think about this: Is my face worth it?

Conclusion:

These are a few of the things that I have experien…I mean, discovered so far while living in Panama City. I may write you again soon with more dangers to be aware of, but I sincerely hope not. Until next time, stay safe out there.

One Response to “The Dangers of Spongebobbing: A What-Not-To-Do Guide To Panama City”

  1. Margie Schels says:

    Hey, Cory! I finally found you! Your mom sent a link in a message to me today….the address had one incorrect letter, but Google came to the rescue! What an AMAZING experience you’re having! Your bio on this site is impressive….Mom and I wish you all the best, and we keep you in our prayers. Your family is very proud of you! I’ll follow your site….very “educational”! :-)
    God bless!
    Love,
    Cousin Margie